20070317

All my life I waited for someone
And all this time You were the one


Just some random songs from iTunes.
And why this song ?
Maybe the lyrics ?
Or is it the melody ?
Both which made me think of the weirdest things on earth.
Oh well, whatever the reason which I am not able to pinpoint.


I really do not know what to say.
I simply do not know how to start.
Perhaps, I have not been feeling how I am feeling right now for a fair amount of time.

Yes, this post will have nothing to do with soccer.
Go on, rejoice !
Like for once, finally !


All right, it was just one of the most coincidental times which evoked my current feeling. I mean, the least expected kind of situations ? As in, something that you would have never thought would actually happen to you ? Do you get what I am trying to say ? I certainly hope you do so.

Anyway, it was just another mini gathering with a couple of the closer friends at this particular place. Coincidentally, my eyes hurt so I removed my contact lenses and became 'blind' for the night. Well, as my eyesight is not exactly that very bad, I could still 'see' or rather differenciate individuals but only in the form of the body shape and all.

Then, I stepped into the area, I saw a (body) mass, a familiar one. I strained for a moment, I took a tiny step forward to take a closer look, hoping to varify despite the poor vision. Another step closer, dared not. I told myself that that mass would see me if I had taken another step. I turned around, I walked away, dared not turn back at all. My mind instantly went blank. I swear, I am not exaggerating. I could not believe my blurred eyes but told myself to come to terms on the other hand. Mind drifted away for that few seconds but I managed to dial for a friend for support. I knew I could not handle this on my own, I knew I was not strong enough to face whatever that I had just seen, I knew I could break down anytime. However, instead of resorting to the loserish crying and what-have-you, the typical Hsu Man Pin went for the cursing and swearing way out and it worked ! Yes, it always works !

The support came, I braced myself and walked pass. Of course, from a very safe distance away so as to avoid eye contact. Constantly, I was chanting, "You did not see me.. You did not see me.." Why did I need to do that ? Why couldn't I just be more gracious and acknowledge ? Seriously, I could not, I dared not. I was afraid of stumbling on my words despite only having to say a simple, "Hi" or "Hello". I was that damn coward. I could not imagine myself losing face in front of that mass and the other half. I will die !

Never mind about this as it kind of ended there.
And surprisingly, no after thoughts despite having sworn like the most vulgar girl who can beat the Gusiness World Record or something.
You see, human beings are just so weird, they do weird things then think about the weird things they have done and tell themselves that they are indeed, weird.
Hohoho, W.E.I.R.D, the word.


The very next day, I opened my Inbox, handphone's. The most unexpected, unlikely, uncalled for (whatever shit word you would like to use starting with 'un'. okay, maybe not all, go select the right ones) person's name appeared. The mass, That Mass. "Fuck", that was the first word that came out from my mouth. What's so new ? Yes, I know. Anyhow, I did not care less and continued with whatever I was doing then.

I got home after a crazy day at town. Habits: Get into the house, say, "Hello" to the dogs, head for the upper storey, dash to the computer, go on MSN and check who is online and whatsoever. Yet again, the most un-, un-, un- person's conversation was opened right before my very eyes. I don't know why but it just seemed weird. As in, the tone, the words used, the way everything was typed out. I mean, I would not expect such sentences appearing in front of me, especially from the most un-, un-, un- person. Maybe I was thinking too much again ? Beats me.


A question for myself: When will you see that person again ?
Next question: Did you regret for not acknowledging ?

In fact, on the question of acknowledging, it was more than that. I was thinking how things would be like if I had gone forward. I was wondering what the reactions would be of the two. More to the negative side, 'evil' thoughts surfaced on my mind. I wished for the worst for the two, I wished for a break. Oh no, I suck !

Yup, never mind that again.
Pointless to go on this way.


Just a coincidental encountance but so much have been going through my mind. I don't know if it is a lot or not but sometimes, you just cannot help but think about it. And it totally will not help if you see things that remind you of 'everything'. Oh well, I don't know, I really don't.


I cannot carry on.
It is not because I am so sad or emo.
I am on the verge of dozing off in front of this monitor screen.
Check out the time, it is 0523am.
I must be crazy to start blogging at 0400am plus.

Crazy, yes.
Not everyone is sane.
And it is not easy to be sane.


All righty, I shall end this very weird post here.
I will be back with posts on the Dinner @ Chomp Chomp, 4 Unity Gathering, Bowling Outing and whatever that I have not uploaded.

Till then, stay tune.
With much love, take care.

04:32